The night the Santa Paula fires raged, tearing through the canyon towards Ventura, driven by 80 kilometre per hour winds, Mercedes Grabowski was discovered deceased in a Camarillo park nearby.
The coroner’s verdict would be suicide, a stark end for the pornographic actress known to the world as August Ames. Mercedes Grabowski, behind the stage name, had been engulfed in a different kind of inferno – a social media firestorm. Her tweet declaring she would refuse to work with “crossover” co-stars who had performed in gay scenes ignited the fury of the porn industry and the wider Twitter community, unleashing a torrent of online anger upon her.
In the aftermath of her death, the winds of public opinion shifted, and others found themselves in the eye of the storm: Jaxton Wheeler, a gay porn actor who had infamously suggested August should take a cyanide pill; Jessica Drake, a veteran actress whose more ambiguous tweets were interpreted as cyberbullying; and Kevin Moore, August’s husband and a porn producer.
Unpacking the ‘Cyber-bullying’ Narrative: A Deeper Look into Mercedes Grabowski’s Life
The story of Mercedes Grabowski, or August Ames, as she was known professionally, extends far beyond a simple case of cyberbullying. Her life and tragic death are the subject of a new audiobook, “The Last Days of August.” This investigative work, spearheaded by journalist Jon Ronson and producer Lina Misitzis, merges Ronson’s established interest in internet shaming, previously explored in his book, So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, and the tech-driven transformation of the pornography industry, a topic they jointly delved into in their earlier audiobook, The Butterfly Effect.
Ronson recounts his initial, almost casual, engagement with the porn world: “I really enjoyed hanging out on porn sets; it was a nice break from my stressful work.” However, the investigation into Mercedes Grabowski’s death would dramatically alter this perspective.
His initial intention for “The Last Days of August” was to interview those who participated in the online shaming of the actress, seeking to understand the motivations and circumstances that led to that collective online attack.
Instead, Ronson found himself grappling with a profound sense of responsibility, not only to the memory of Mercedes Grabowski but also to her grieving husband, Kevin Moore, who was then the subject of damaging rumors and speculation.
A pervasive rumour among Ronson’s interviewees suggested Moore was implicated in his wife’s death, fueled largely by the fact that a former partner had died from an overdose and another, also involved in the porn industry, had been institutionalized. This led Ronson to step out of his narrator role and directly address the listener, firmly stating, “I want to stop for a moment and tell you something … this will not turn out to be a murder mystery.”
Ronson’s narrative in “The Last Days of August,” and indeed his reflections in interviews, are punctuated with caveats. Words like “understanding,” “compassion,” “empathy,” and “tenderness” recur, consciously or unconsciously guiding the listener and reader towards a specific perspective on the Mercedes Grabowski story.
Ronson’s mild Welsh demeanor stands in stark contrast to the often bombastic personalities of his subjects, particularly Moore. At one point, Ronson felt compelled to advise Moore against “setting off a hand grenade” by releasing a statement titled “The Truth,” which squarely blamed Drake and Wheeler for his wife’s suicide.
Moore disregarded this counsel.
“She ended her life the day after the bullying began. To think they are unrelated is delusional,” he wrote in “The Truth,” a statement prominently pinned to Mercedes Grabowski’s Twitter profile after her death.
“She believed everyone hated her, she could not see past that.”
Mercedes Grabowski: Beyond the August Ames Persona
Mercedes Grabowski was just 23 years old when she died on December 5, 2017. Under the name August Ames, she had performed in approximately 270 sex scenes. Accounts from older interviews reveal a more nuanced picture of Mercedes: a “military brat,” a self-proclaimed “dork” who enjoyed shopping at Target, and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse within her family, which led to her being placed in a group home.
Her marriage to Kevin Moore, a man significantly older than her, mirrored a common dynamic in the adult film industry. These age-discrepant relationships are frequently described by industry insiders as being controlling and dysfunctional, a characterization applied by many interviewees to the relationship between Moore and Mercedes Grabowski.
Mercedes Grabowski’s professional relationships also warrant closer examination. Markus Dupree, an actor who filmed a particularly violent scene with Ames months before her death, largely escapes scrutiny in the broader narrative. However, Mercedes’ brother believes this scene triggered traumatic memories from her childhood, setting her on a downward spiral.
Mercedes shared photographs of her bruises and a disturbing account of the scene with a girlfriend. However, she recanted her claims after her husband, Moore, reacted angrily and contacted the production company.
Dupree declined Ronson’s requests for an interview. “If somebody doesn’t want to engage with us it doesn’t feel fair for us to poke around in their life,” Ronson explains, reflecting an ethical consideration in his investigative approach.
Despite Dupree’s refusal, Ronson and Misitzis, through persistent efforts with the production company, were able to view the never-released scene. Ronson describes it as a chilling moment, akin to hearing Mercedes Grabowski speak from beyond the grave.
Following the scene’s conclusion, Mercedes is interviewed by a crew member to formally establish consent for legal purposes. This footage raises critical questions about the true nature of consent in an industry where an actress’s career hinges on her willingness to cooperate.
As Misitzis recounts in “The Last Days of August”:
“She’s staring straight into the camera, holding up her cheque for the day’s work, her makeup’s gone, her hair is pulled back. She looks resigned and emotional and hollow all at once. ‘Were you treated okay?’ she’s asked, and flatly, quietly, she says, ‘Yes.’ For the first time in this footage, all the camera is focused on is August’s face and she seems like she’s verging on tears.”
Ronson admits that upon initially watching the scene, he was searching for overt indicators that the men present recognized Mercedes Grabowski’s distress, something he found difficult to discern. The full impact of the footage resonated with him later.
“I think it’s not that dissimilar to being a war reporter,” he reflects, describing the flashbacks he experienced subsequently. “At the time you compartmentalise it because the important thing is to get the story, but when it’s over you suddenly start feeling very strange.”
This experience evokes the poignant analogy offered by a female porn producer in “The Last Days of August,” who compares young actresses to “baby elephants in the circus,” unaware of their own growing strength to break free from their constraints as they mature.
The Loneliness of Los Angeles: A Valley of Tears for Mercedes Grabowski
In the period between Mercedes Grabowski’s suicide and the 35th annual Adult Entertainment Expo and Adult Video News Awards, three more young female pornographic performers died. Mercedes had expressed a profound sense of loneliness, a sentiment echoed by many of Ronson’s interviewees.
“The loneliness of LA is like frostbite,” Ronson observes. “It gets into your bones.”
“There’s a great quote from [the actor] Stephen Mangan: ‘In Hollywood they kill you with encouragement.’ It happened to me. You go to LA and you’re told you’re the greatest voice of your generation … and then nothing happens.”
Three months prior to her death, Mercedes Grabowski, in a conversation with podcaster Holly Randall, revealed her struggles to access mental health support.
“They’d be like, ‘What’s your profession?’ and I’d be like, ‘Oh, I’m in the adult industry,’ and then I’d feel like they’re like, ‘Oh, that’s the whole reason that you are the way you are,’ and then I’d get turned off,” she explained. “I need to find a good f–king therapist.”
In “The Last Days of August,” Ronson inquires if Moore is familiar with the JB Priestley play, An Inspector Calls. He is not.
“A police officer comes to a house and says that a working-class girl has committed suicide,” Ronson summarizes. “No one in the house knows who she is and then one by one they realise that a tiny thing that they did weighed her down.”
“Hm.” Moore grunts. “Okay.”
However, in the concluding chapter of the audiobook, Moore’s perspective has undergone a significant shift. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sex or pornography, but the business is very sick. It’s very, very subversively sick. For 20 years I’ve lived a life that I kind of regret now,” he admits, his voice breaking with emotion.
“We are making a living off the backs of the mentally ill. I can’t say to the business, ‘You guys have ruined people’s lives’ and not include myself.”
“The Last Days of August” is available now as an Audible Original. Jenny Valentish is a freelance writer and author of books such as Woman of Substances: a journey into addiction and treatment.
