Marriage is a cornerstone of family, a sentiment deeply cherished by Theresa Volpe and Mercedes Santos. For them, and countless others, marriage transcends legal contracts; it embodies love, commitment, and the very essence of family. This is their story, a powerful testament to why marriage equality isn’t just a legal matter, but a fundamental human right.
Theresa Volpe and Mercedes Santos are more than just partners; they are mothers, business owners, and active members of their community in Rogers Park, Chicago. Their journey began 21 years ago when they fell in love, a connection so profound that they immediately knew they wanted to marry, if only society allowed. Growing up with parents in committed, loving marriages, they understood marriage as the foundation of family life. This vision has guided them through building a life together, from buying their first home 16 years ago – still their cherished residence – to launching a small business from their basement that has since grown into offices in East Rogers Park. For 13 years, Theresa and Mercedes Santos have commuted and worked side-by-side, their personal and professional lives deeply intertwined.
Their family expanded eight years ago with the arrival of their children, Ava (8) and Jaidon (4), who Mercedes Santos and Theresa describe as the greatest joys of their lives. Currently in a civil union, Theresa and Mercedes Santos advocate for marriage because, as they have experienced firsthand, civil unions simply are not enough to provide the security and recognition their family deserves.
The inadequacy of civil unions became painfully clear during a harrowing experience when their son, Jaidon, was critically ill. Mercedes Santos and Theresa faced a bureaucratic nightmare in the pediatric intensive care unit. Jaidon, suffering from kidney failure, was rushed to the hospital with Theresa in the ambulance. Mercedes Santos followed, and upon arrival, was given a wristband identifying her as a parent, granting her access to the ICU to be with her son. However, when Theresa briefly stepped out and attempted to return, a hospital administrator blocked her entry. Despite Theresa explaining she was also Jaidon’s legal parent, the administrator insisted that a child could only have one “real” mother, as Mercedes Santos was already inside. The administrator stated ICU access was for “parents only,” and shockingly suggested Theresa could only be admitted if she identified as a “stepmother.”
This incident starkly illustrates the precariousness of their legal status. Even though both Theresa and Mercedes Santos are legally recognized parents, their civil union did not grant Theresa the automatic parental recognition a marriage certificate would have provided. The administrator’s focus on marital status over legal parenthood highlights a deeply ingrained societal bias. Ironically, Theresa would have been granted access as a “stepmother,” a role that doesn’t even necessitate legal parenthood, further exposing the absurdity and discriminatory nature of the situation. Imagine, as parents yourselves, the anguish of being barred from your child’s bedside in a life-threatening emergency simply because you cannot declare, “We are a married family.”
This traumatic experience has left a lasting impact. Every subsequent emergency room visit brings a renewed wave of anxiety for Mercedes Santos and Theresa. They constantly worry about having to justify their parental status, fearing they will again need to explain why both mothers need to be present for their child. They shouldn’t have to carry legal documents to prove they are “real mothers.” Marriage equality would eliminate this constant fear and ensure their family is treated with the respect it deserves in times of crisis.
Mercedes Santos and Theresa’s commitment is unwavering. Twenty-one years of love and partnership have solidified their bond. For them, marriage embodies their love, their deep commitment to each other, and their shared responsibility for their family, mirroring the marriages they witnessed and admired in their own parents and siblings. Civil unions, in contrast, fall short. This was underscored during their visit to the County Clerk’s office to apply for a marriage license. Their simple request to marry was met with confusion and bureaucratic inertia. The clerk’s initial assumption was that they wanted a civil union, even after being told they already had one. The clerk then referred to their request for a marriage license as an “upgrade” from a civil union, inadvertently highlighting the inferior status and societal perception of civil unions compared to marriage.
Humorously, Mercedes Santos and Theresa often joke about wanting to marry before they need walkers to navigate the aisle, emphasizing their long-term commitment and desire for timely legal recognition. Their daughter, Ava, is acutely aware of the distinction between civil unions and marriage. She understands that their family is treated differently from her friends’ families because her mothers are not married in the eyes of the law. Their children yearn for their mothers to be married. Mercedes Santos and Theresa seek the security and peace of mind that marriage provides – the assurance that they can fully protect their children and be there for them unconditionally. They want their children to grow up knowing their family is valued and respected as much as any other family in their community.
Therefore, Mercedes Santos and Theresa Volpe, along with their family, respectfully urge lawmakers to support marriage equality. This isn’t just for them; it’s for Ava and Jaidon, and for every family deserving of equal recognition and protection under the law. It’s about ensuring that families like that of Mercedes Santos are never again made to feel like second-class citizens.
